Flying Blind

That dread that I feel about flying to the Middle East has nothing to do with fear of flying

Well, I have two weeks until take-off. On my birthday I will experience the joy of flying and sitting in airports for 20 hours. I complain now, but I am very excited about the trip. What I am not excited about is that the airlines that I am flying keep changing details. I have had one leg of my departure flight changed twice and two legs of my planned return flight changed. Originially, I was to leave at 8:00pm, now I leave at 7:10. Originally I was supposed to depart from Alexandria on the return next spring, now I depart from Cairo—which complicates things greatly, I’ll explain later.

What I can’t figure out is why there haven’t been revolts on planes and in airports based on poor service and bad scheduling. I know that airfare hasn’t really increased over the past 20 years, but that doesn’t mean that the service associated with flying should be totally left by the wayside. I am not talking about in-flight cocktails or pillows or that stuff—though, wouldn’t it be nice to have an included-in-the-price bourbon on an overseas, overnight flight that you just shelled out $1500 for? No. I am talking about keeping the scheduled departure rather than changing it twelve times between booking and take-off or completely canceling the flight entirely.

Part of me believes that this is another example of the cellular phone’s destructive power. The cell phone destroyed the plan. Do you remember when we used to make plans, say “Let’s meet Friday night at 8:30 at the corner bar,” and then actually meet at the agreed time and place? I do. We don’t do that anymore, though. Now we will say, “Hey do you want to get together on Friday night?” and you will hear in response, “Sure, I will call you.” This is really a kind way of saying, “I will hang out with you, if I don’t have anything better to do.”

Airlines are now doing the same thing to us. We are saying, “Hey, I want to fly to Paris on Thursday,” and the major American carriers are saying, “We will take your money for that, and perhaps we will leave at the specified time, but maybe not. Oh yeah, also, you might not have a flight because we may have sold your seat to someone who paid five times as much for it. We’ll call you.” Some people believe that the little phone messages reminding us of our flight times, terminals, and departure gates, delays, changes, and cancellations are a valiant effort on the part of airlines to help us to deal with the harrowing experience of traveling. I say that they are a non-solution, a band-aid that falls off in the pool, or bullshit. If airlines really want to win their customers back, I suggest opening a bottle and proposing a toast to free drinks in the air. At least that way we might not remember why we were so frustrated before we finally got on the plane.

See you next time. I’ll call you.

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